Naturally Relational

Why do so many individuals have a hard time being single? Is it ok to be sad about it? Is it normal?

If you follow my posts at all, I'm guessing you probably have asked yourselves these questions or at least ones similar to them. 

I often find myself feeling guilty that I feel lonely. I wonder if I am truly content with my relationship with God... if my desire for a relationship is negative or sinful. If it is contrary to God's will to feel that way. After thinking about these questions and discussing the topic with others who I respect, I have realized the flawed nature of this guilt. 

I know that right now, I am exactly where God wants me. Singleness is His will for me right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am content in His will, and He gives me His peace when I obey what He has called me to do.

However, that does not mean I am not relational. It does not mean that God wills for me to be alone all the time. It does not mean that He is calling me to live in singleness my whole life. 

It also doesn't mean that it's wrong for me to feel sad when those relational needs are not being met.

1. God created us from the beginning as relational creatures.   

^{(GENESIS 2:18-22)}  

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” ¹⁹ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.²¹ And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. ²² Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 

2. God is relational and seeks for us to have a relationship with Him.

God gives us the opportunity to know Him, thanks to His Son, Jesus Christ, interceding on our behalf. As it says in Acts 17:27 that "He is not far from each one of us." The LORD makes Himself available, because He wants a relationship with us. He is relational.

^{(ACTS 17:24-28)} 

 “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. ²⁵ Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things.²⁶ And He has made from one blood^[c] every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, ²⁷ so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; ²⁸ for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’

3. Jesus was relational.

Over and over and over again throughout the Gospels, we see Jesus ministering to people and spending time with people. In the only account we have about Jesus as a child, He is spending time with and discussing Biblical issues with religious leaders.

^{(LUKE 2:46-47)} 

Now so it was that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ And all who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers.

His first miracle was done while He was with His mother and His disciples at a wedding.

(JOHN 2:1) 

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. ² Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding.

He spent time teaching people, healed the sick, ate with both religious leaders and sinners, spent time with 12 specific individuals throughout His whole ministry, cared for His mother as He was dying on the cross, loved and cared for children, and the list goes on and on...

4. The Trinity is relational with each other. 

I'm just going to go ahead and direct you to this page--> Answers in Genesis speaks on the topic of the Trinity, and about halfway through, they discuss the relationship between God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.


As you can see, we serve a relational God who created us relationally. From this, I am learning that is absolutely healthy to seek relationships. It's ok for me to desire to someday be married. It's ok, because it's normal. It's ok, because we were created that way.

However, marriage/romantic relationships are NOT the only relationships that exist. 
God has placed people in my life, and He has placed them strategically. Whether that means my parents, a hall full of college girls, children at my church, elderly folks at a nursing home, my nephew or a man, the people in my life are not there accidentally.
Whatever the type of relationship, God calls us to live relationally and to spend our time glorifying God and serving people. The longing for people doesn't mean that I only long for a romantic relationship. The LORD knows that my desire is that the relationships in my life that bring the most glory to God  are the ones that flourish and grow. God knows which relationships will be most meaningful at this time in my life, and I trust Him with those relationships.

It's ok to desire specific types of relationships. The key is to not miss the relationships that God has placed in our lives right now.

A New Semester

For any of you who happened to read this blog, sorry for the delay of posts. I decided to take a short break for the summer, especially when I realized that some people were still getting the wrong idea about the purpose of this blog.

Just to re-clarify: this is not a blog to mope about being single. In fact, I quite like my singleness most of the time. Rather, the purpose of this blog is to encourage other single people to have a healthy and beautiful perspective on singleness (rather than see it as a plague). I've had so many single ladies (and guys too occasionally) come to me, so completely discouraged by their singleness, and I decided that it was time for us to see our lives for what they truly are- useful.

If a relationship isn't causing us to glorify God better, than it's better to glorify God alone.

So anyway, that was just a refresher course to prevent people from making assumptions and judgements about my intentions of this blog. I know it was a risk to start this, but if it means furthering the kingdom of God in the single community, then it's a risk I'm willing to take.

On that note, this year- my last year in college- my goal is to highlight in this blog other single people who are using their singleness, despite their natural desire for a relationship, to serve God wholly and selflessly. And there are those people. I know them well, and I am blessed to be surrounded by them.

Anyway, that was just a public service announcement.. so stay tuned for a legitimate post =).

Doing that. Going there.

There is absolutely no conceivable way that I am going to waste this singleness. You better believe I'm taking advantage of my current status. I refuse to be that future married person who constantly looks back, wishing they could have "done that" or "been there."

No. I'm doing that.
I'm going there.
It's happening while I'm able.
Whatever "it" is.

I know there is no possible way I can cover everything, but I'm not wasting a moment and that will be enough.

I have decided to make a list of things I want do in my singleness.
A list of goals, dreams and whatever I decide deserves to be on a list. The list doesn't have to be things I can ONLY do when I'm single but just that I can properly dedicate my time to while being single.

So, the best time to start this list is now....

• Get involved at a nursing home or assisted living home, whether playing piano for the residents or just visiting with them (or both).
  Why waste a single moment? Such beautiful people with such incredible insight on the world, and they don't deserve to be lonely or neglected.
• Get to know the female children and teens placed in my life on a personal level, be there for them and love them.
  It is my responsibility as a woman who follows Jesus to find those who I can disciple and to disciple them.
• Find a godly, female mentor.
  It is also my responsibility as a woman who follows Jesus to find someone who can disciple me and keep me accountable in my walk with God.
• Find a job that I love, and be a friend and testimony to my coworkers. Be a light by my work ethic.
  The world is my mission field.
• Travel. I don't care where and I don't care how.
  As long as I have the resources and the physical capability, I am seeing this world that my Father has created. It doesn't have to be everywhere, it just has to be anywhere. Also, I intend on spreading Jesus everywhere I go.
• Minister to people that are least ministered to.
  Orphans, widows, the poor, the rich, the middle class... I don't know who all of these people are yet, but I'm finding them and, if I am able, I am sharing Jesus' love with them.
• Learn to cook & sew well.
  Because these are fantastic skills, and I want to have them.
• Get in shape.
  Jog. Sprint. Crunch. Lift.... learn the names of the other things I need to do to get in shape...
• Climb as many mountains as I can on the East Coast.
  And then watch "The Sound of Music," because we all know the song "Climb Every Mountain" will eternally be stuck in my head.
• Visit the West Coast.
  Because I never have.
• Go back to Lebanon.
  Because it's a place that I love.

That's what I have so far. What are your ideas?

Why Proverbs 31 Isn't Just for Married Women

You know, it stunned me that I could possibly feel like a third-wheel while reading the Bible, but it actually happened the other day.

I've been doing a study on Proverbs 31 called "Discovering the Treasures of a Godly Woman" by Elizabeth George. The study is beautiful and fantastic, and I am learning more than I have about this short, yet rich passage.
However, despite the beauty and practicality of this passage, I found myself discouraged.
Everything I read seemed to be focused on a married woman. A wife. A mother.
A woman who had already established her position in a home.
Overall, I could tell that George tried to include every woman in the study, but despite her efforts, the passage itself focused on what it would focus on.

"Well that's great. Even the Bible is leaving me out. How am I supposed to know how to be a godly woman if all of the information I'm given is solely for a married woman? I'm not married, so this isn't even practical to me."
Those were my thoughts, but I realize now how completely false and dangerous those thoughts were.

So I'm not married. Big deal. The Bible doesn't say you need to be married to live a godly life focused on serving the LORD.
In fact, Paul, the most famous missionary of all time, was unmarried, and I can guarantee that not all women of the early churches were married. That's simply not realistic.
It is an absolute lie to believe that as a woman, I lack purpose if I'm unmarried or that I simply cannot be a "woman of virtue" without a family to "be virtuous to."
Being a woman of virtue doesn't happen over night, and it doesn't happen the moment you get married. In fact, if my sources (many of my married friends) are correct, once married, it's even harder to change bad habits and adjust flawed mentalities.
Proverbs 31 is not just a guide to get out of bad habits as a current wife, but rather it is a chance to become a woman of virtue before a marriage begins, establishing godly mentalities and habits prior to the commitment of marriage.
That's not to say that one who learns of Proverbs 31 after they are already married cannot become this sort of woman of virtue, but I do believe it is much easier to begin godly characteristics from the start rather than have to change out of ungodly characteristics.

In a way, these sort of passages are here to protect us from danger and guide us onto the path worth following. The Bible does not seek to leave us out but rather to prepare us for the coming stage.
It won't be easy to become the woman that is described in this passage, but at least I have the time to learn and grow.

I'm not married, but I'm not ready to be, which I so brutally learned from this passage.
There's a long ways to go before I become the woman that is described in Proverbs 31, and I'm thankful for the time God has given to me to reach that point.

Five Times a Bridesmaid: Lies I Have Believed

Next weekend, I will be in my 5th wedding. That's not to say that I haven't been to many, many more weddings. Five is only the number that I have happened to have been a bridesmaid/maid of honor in. It was fun the first few times, especially when I was younger. 
Don't misunderstand me, I am always so happy for the couple on their wedding day-- their faces glow and they're in their own land of bliss. It's sweet and precious, and I'm glad they're experiencing that.

However, I feel like the "always a bridesmaid" concept has simply fed the fire of lies that I tend to believe as a single female. Lies that I probably will continue to fight even beyond my singleness. Lies that I must fight against daily with God's strength.

So, if you're anything like me, you believe lies.
Why do we believe these lies?
Maybe it's because we are weak, failing to recognize our identity in Christ.
Maybe it's because we enjoy copping out, and simply use the lies as excuses to be lazy.
Maybe it's because we don't surround ourselves with Truth, that is, God's Word.
Or maybe it could be that we simply don't even recognize them as lies.

Whatever the reason, the issue is that we are telling ourselves LIES.
Clips from the world, clips from culture, clips from ourselves.. all meshed together to form the lies that prohibit us from embracing our lives for everything they are.

Here are a few lies I have to remind myself not to believe:

1. Nobody wants me.
   That sounds extreme and maybe ridiculous, but this is one of the most commonly believed lies in my life. I tell myself that if I'm still single, that must mean I'm undesirable.
   "Nobody has chosen me."
   Well, friends, I can tell you right now, that the LORD has dubbed this "LIE."
   Why? Because He has made it clear THROUGHOUT His Word how much He truly loves me. It honestly brings tears to my eyes. Beyond the fact that there are human beings who do love me (despite my buying into the falsehoods that say otherwise), I have the affections of the One who truly knows love- my Creator. Even if I do have a loving family and loving friends-- even if I were to have a man that "wanted" me-- that really isn't the full measure of love. As I discussed in one of my other blogs, Jesus Christ is the Creator of LOVE, and love received from all other human beings has simply been "hand-me-down love." It's still a beautiful thing to be loved by humans, but nothing compares to the Love of God.
2. I will always be a bridesmaid.
   I've realized recently that most lies we believe are pretty bizarre when we really think about them. Nonetheless, it's there.
   That fear that we'll always just "be there." No significant role, just existent. That is one of my largest fears. To just "exist." And one lie I constantly swallow is that this idea is a reality. That my existence is meaningless.
   Here's where it gets tricky. Though not true in regards to being a child of God and being given purpose for His kingdom, it is however true, in that, it's not about me. We're not the main characters, we're just supporting roles. We are just subplots.
   To Jesus Christ, I'm not just the bridesmaid. I'm His bride. A bride that He believed was worth sacrificing Himself for. But this story isn't about the bride- it's about the groom.
   It's about His heroic actions, His selfless sacrifice, His fearless conquering, His beautiful return.
3. If my friends are getting married now, that means I should be too.
   I've already written a whole post about this, so you can read that here if you are interested in hearing more about that.
4. If I'm still single, I'm failing to meet the world's timeline.
   Although the world does not encourage marriage- in fact, many think it's old fashioned and meaningless- they do encourage relationships. All sorts of interesting relationships, whether Biblical or not. "Just find someone who makes you happy." (Ok, that's not a bad thing, but it is when morality is compromised and God's Word is ignored.) 
   I'm 21, and, by the world's standards, I should have a boyfriend right now. If I don't have a boyfriend, I should at least be flirting with guys and doing what I want when I want.
   Well, according to the world, I'm failing. I don't go flirt with random guys. I don't just pursue guys because I want to or because I can. To the world, I am a failure of a female. I'm not conquering my independence, single or not, and to the world, I'm not taking advantage of my womanhood.
   Well world, I'd rather fail on your standards than fail on God's. I guess the whole "I'm failing the world" idea is not really a lie but rather a seemingly negative truth. In reality, this is a truth that might be difficult to swallow but necessary in order to maintain a holy relationship with God. It's something that I need to realize is positive. I need to unbrainwash myself from the world.
5. I'm behind in life.
   I find myself not only believing this, but also rushing myself through life and missing opportunities along the way. Instead of taking every moment, every circumstance, every point in my life and running with them, I get distracted and try to catch up with a non-existent expectation. An expectation that no one has really set for me except myself. The expectation that says, "I am supposed to be at this specific point in my life in order to be successful."
   The reality is, this lie causes me to miss beautiful moments. Beautiful moments I still regret missing. Beautiful moments that could have been incredible memories and experiences.
   Friends, this IS where I am in life. I can't be behind. This is my life. Right now.
   I must eradicate this lie completely, or I will miss my life.

Those are just a few of the lies, but definitely prevalent ones.
What are some lies you are believing?

Remembering the Good Days

Some days will be harder than others.

When those hard days come, just remind yourself that every stage has its hard days.
For the single, the hard days might feel lonely.
For the dating, the hard days might feel stifling.
For the married, the hard days might feel overwhelming with responsibility.

Each stage has its struggles, and each stage has its blessings.

The trick is, on the hard days, remember the struggles of the other stages and remember the blessings of singleness. Remember what makes the good days good and remember what you like about being single.

Typical perspective:
"Everyone else MUST be happier than me. Look at that couple.. they're so happy! That's the ideal lifestyle. That's where I have to get to be happy."
...Flawed perspective.
That's what that is.

No life is perfect, and, despite popular belief, relationships are not the source of happiness.
In fact, there are people in relationships right this very moment as we speak who are envying single people, envying YOU, wishing they had the same type of freedoms as the single.
That's not to say that marriage isn't a beautiful, God-ordained institution, but that doesn't mean it is the measure of fulfillment.
Abiding in God's will is the source of joy and fulfillment. 
If they are in God's will, then that is the source of their joy.
If you are in God's will, then that is the source of your joy.

Like I said before, remember what you like about being single and what about it brings you joy.

For me, I remember that I am freer to serve in other, less restricted ways.
I don't have a man to have to be a support to right now, and I don't have children to raise.
Right now, my attention is solely on using my abilities and talents to serve God, spread Jesus and minister to others.
That's it.
I mean, I love and care for my family and friends, but the only human being I am currently officially responsible for is myself.
It keeps doors open.
It makes things simple.

Someday, God may give me those added responsibilities, but until then, I am free to minister in a career, free to minister on my own, free to minister to my family and free to focus on my own personal growth without those extra aspects of life.
All of those things are helping to build a foundation for me, showing me who I need to be in Christ before I can effectively be anything to anyone else (a wife, friend, helper, mother, etc.),
For that, I am thankful.

Simplicity.
That's my favorite thing about being single.
And, for me, that's what makes the good days, good days.

To Be Pursued: Single Blog Edition

This might be more to girls than it is to guys, but if the men read this in a way that opens their eyes to the responsibility of "making the first move," that works too.

A certain renown Christian university chancellor's wife once encouraged a room full of college women, myself included, to "not wait for a man to pursue you. If you want something, go get it."
I believe those were her exact words, or something close to them.

Well, I'm here to refute that Biblically.
(feel free to click all the embedded links to see the Scripture to back up my points).

The world is filled with concepts that seem like good ideas, but they just really are not (because they're not God's ideas).
I believe that women pursuing men is one of them.
This is has been a more recent concept in our culture.. probably within the last 50 years, I'm guessing? Nonetheless, I believe it has suffocated many marriages, including Christian ones.

I once wrote a blog post about being pursued from a slightly romantic point of view. This post focuses more on the practical side. They probably have some similar themes, though, so bear with me.

Women need to be loved.

Men need to be respected.

Though those facts are typically known, they were fairly new to me (in that, it just recently clicked).

Those two truths are God-designed.

Since the beginning of time, He dubbed men to be the leaders of their homes. When Adam and Eve committed that first, infamous sin in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3), who was held first held accountable? Adam. Despite his wife's first act of disobedience to God, the man was first held accountable. Sad, but true.

Ephesians 5:22-33 tells women to submit to and respect their husbands and tells men to love their wives.
The truths are natural and God-ordained. 

In 1 Corinthians 14:34-36, women are instructed to look to their husbands for spiritual guidance.
1 Peter 3:1-5 describes what the character of a woman should look like: submissive to her husband, an example of the gospel (especially when their husbands aren't walking with God: ..."that their conduct may win their husbands") not focusing on outward adornment but on the inward spirit, "with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."
That doesn't mean that woman are weak beings who can't say a word, but rather it means that we hold the honor of being protected by the man that God puts in our life.

Knowing that, I believe that women pursuing men is absolutely contradictory to these truths.
A marriage that is based on the initiation of the woman is a marriage that has formed a pattern against how God intended.


The point:
I often get: "Well, if you're single, why don't you go make an effort to be unsingle!" 
First off, the point isn't to get "unsingle."
Second, it's not my job. That's not to say that I don't have to mutually make effort in a relationship. That's not the case. However, it is not my job to initiate it.
I refuse to pursue a man because I do NOT want that sort of marriage.

1. When one begins a marriage based on the woman's pursuing of a man, they begin a pattern that minimizes the man from being the spiritual and emotional leader in their home. She has been the initial decision-maker and initiator, and who's to say she won't be for the rest of their marriage? I don't know about you, but I'm not feeling the "dragging my husband around" concept. I want to be led in my home, not pushed into leadership (just how God intended).
2. It's not our burden to carry. The man was given title of leader in the home and Biblically, we are the helpers, supporters and nurturers (Genesis 2:18). (Please see this post I read online for more information on that topic. Very good explanation). To add on the burden in a relationship of "spiritual leader" or "marital leader" is unwise, unbiblical and simply draining. It's not what we were designed to do.
3. By going and making the "first move," I am saying, "God, I don't trust that You can bring someone to lead me in a relationship. I don't trust that You can, and I don't trust that You will." I'm sorry, but I don't want to be a part of that, and I don't want to miss out on God's blessings because I was impatient, lacking meekness and failing to trust God.
   No, thanks.
4. When I, as a woman, take it upon myself to go "find a man," I am not respecting him.When a man requires a woman to take it upon herself to chase him, he is not loving her.
   It's as simple as that. We already came to the conclusion that men need to be respected and women need to be loved. By switching the roles of pursual, we are failing to meet the basic male/female needs.

In conclusion, single women-- let a man pursue you, even though that may in fact mean, *gasp*, waiting in faith. Single men, please don't leave this burden for the women.