To Be Pursued: Single Blog Edition

This might be more to girls than it is to guys, but if the men read this in a way that opens their eyes to the responsibility of "making the first move," that works too.

A certain renown Christian university chancellor's wife once encouraged a room full of college women, myself included, to "not wait for a man to pursue you. If you want something, go get it."
I believe those were her exact words, or something close to them.

Well, I'm here to refute that Biblically.
(feel free to click all the embedded links to see the Scripture to back up my points).

The world is filled with concepts that seem like good ideas, but they just really are not (because they're not God's ideas).
I believe that women pursuing men is one of them.
This is has been a more recent concept in our culture.. probably within the last 50 years, I'm guessing? Nonetheless, I believe it has suffocated many marriages, including Christian ones.

I once wrote a blog post about being pursued from a slightly romantic point of view. This post focuses more on the practical side. They probably have some similar themes, though, so bear with me.

Women need to be loved.

Men need to be respected.

Though those facts are typically known, they were fairly new to me (in that, it just recently clicked).

Those two truths are God-designed.

Since the beginning of time, He dubbed men to be the leaders of their homes. When Adam and Eve committed that first, infamous sin in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3), who was held first held accountable? Adam. Despite his wife's first act of disobedience to God, the man was first held accountable. Sad, but true.

Ephesians 5:22-33 tells women to submit to and respect their husbands and tells men to love their wives.
The truths are natural and God-ordained. 

In 1 Corinthians 14:34-36, women are instructed to look to their husbands for spiritual guidance.
1 Peter 3:1-5 describes what the character of a woman should look like: submissive to her husband, an example of the gospel (especially when their husbands aren't walking with God: ..."that their conduct may win their husbands") not focusing on outward adornment but on the inward spirit, "with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."
That doesn't mean that woman are weak beings who can't say a word, but rather it means that we hold the honor of being protected by the man that God puts in our life.

Knowing that, I believe that women pursuing men is absolutely contradictory to these truths.
A marriage that is based on the initiation of the woman is a marriage that has formed a pattern against how God intended.


The point:
I often get: "Well, if you're single, why don't you go make an effort to be unsingle!" 
First off, the point isn't to get "unsingle."
Second, it's not my job. That's not to say that I don't have to mutually make effort in a relationship. That's not the case. However, it is not my job to initiate it.
I refuse to pursue a man because I do NOT want that sort of marriage.

1. When one begins a marriage based on the woman's pursuing of a man, they begin a pattern that minimizes the man from being the spiritual and emotional leader in their home. She has been the initial decision-maker and initiator, and who's to say she won't be for the rest of their marriage? I don't know about you, but I'm not feeling the "dragging my husband around" concept. I want to be led in my home, not pushed into leadership (just how God intended).
2. It's not our burden to carry. The man was given title of leader in the home and Biblically, we are the helpers, supporters and nurturers (Genesis 2:18). (Please see this post I read online for more information on that topic. Very good explanation). To add on the burden in a relationship of "spiritual leader" or "marital leader" is unwise, unbiblical and simply draining. It's not what we were designed to do.
3. By going and making the "first move," I am saying, "God, I don't trust that You can bring someone to lead me in a relationship. I don't trust that You can, and I don't trust that You will." I'm sorry, but I don't want to be a part of that, and I don't want to miss out on God's blessings because I was impatient, lacking meekness and failing to trust God.
   No, thanks.
4. When I, as a woman, take it upon myself to go "find a man," I am not respecting him.When a man requires a woman to take it upon herself to chase him, he is not loving her.
   It's as simple as that. We already came to the conclusion that men need to be respected and women need to be loved. By switching the roles of pursual, we are failing to meet the basic male/female needs.

In conclusion, single women-- let a man pursue you, even though that may in fact mean, *gasp*, waiting in faith. Single men, please don't leave this burden for the women.