Naturally Relational

Why do so many individuals have a hard time being single? Is it ok to be sad about it? Is it normal?

If you follow my posts at all, I'm guessing you probably have asked yourselves these questions or at least ones similar to them. 

I often find myself feeling guilty that I feel lonely. I wonder if I am truly content with my relationship with God... if my desire for a relationship is negative or sinful. If it is contrary to God's will to feel that way. After thinking about these questions and discussing the topic with others who I respect, I have realized the flawed nature of this guilt. 

I know that right now, I am exactly where God wants me. Singleness is His will for me right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am content in His will, and He gives me His peace when I obey what He has called me to do.

However, that does not mean I am not relational. It does not mean that God wills for me to be alone all the time. It does not mean that He is calling me to live in singleness my whole life. 

It also doesn't mean that it's wrong for me to feel sad when those relational needs are not being met.

1. God created us from the beginning as relational creatures.   

^{(GENESIS 2:18-22)}  

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” ¹⁹ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.²¹ And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. ²² Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 

2. God is relational and seeks for us to have a relationship with Him.

God gives us the opportunity to know Him, thanks to His Son, Jesus Christ, interceding on our behalf. As it says in Acts 17:27 that "He is not far from each one of us." The LORD makes Himself available, because He wants a relationship with us. He is relational.

^{(ACTS 17:24-28)} 

 “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. ²⁵ Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things.²⁶ And He has made from one blood^[c] every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, ²⁷ so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; ²⁸ for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’

3. Jesus was relational.

Over and over and over again throughout the Gospels, we see Jesus ministering to people and spending time with people. In the only account we have about Jesus as a child, He is spending time with and discussing Biblical issues with religious leaders.

^{(LUKE 2:46-47)} 

Now so it was that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ And all who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers.

His first miracle was done while He was with His mother and His disciples at a wedding.

(JOHN 2:1) 

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. ² Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding.

He spent time teaching people, healed the sick, ate with both religious leaders and sinners, spent time with 12 specific individuals throughout His whole ministry, cared for His mother as He was dying on the cross, loved and cared for children, and the list goes on and on...

4. The Trinity is relational with each other. 

I'm just going to go ahead and direct you to this page--> Answers in Genesis speaks on the topic of the Trinity, and about halfway through, they discuss the relationship between God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.


As you can see, we serve a relational God who created us relationally. From this, I am learning that is absolutely healthy to seek relationships. It's ok for me to desire to someday be married. It's ok, because it's normal. It's ok, because we were created that way.

However, marriage/romantic relationships are NOT the only relationships that exist. 
God has placed people in my life, and He has placed them strategically. Whether that means my parents, a hall full of college girls, children at my church, elderly folks at a nursing home, my nephew or a man, the people in my life are not there accidentally.
Whatever the type of relationship, God calls us to live relationally and to spend our time glorifying God and serving people. The longing for people doesn't mean that I only long for a romantic relationship. The LORD knows that my desire is that the relationships in my life that bring the most glory to God  are the ones that flourish and grow. God knows which relationships will be most meaningful at this time in my life, and I trust Him with those relationships.

It's ok to desire specific types of relationships. The key is to not miss the relationships that God has placed in our lives right now.

Doing that. Going there.

There is absolutely no conceivable way that I am going to waste this singleness. You better believe I'm taking advantage of my current status. I refuse to be that future married person who constantly looks back, wishing they could have "done that" or "been there."

No. I'm doing that.
I'm going there.
It's happening while I'm able.
Whatever "it" is.

I know there is no possible way I can cover everything, but I'm not wasting a moment and that will be enough.

I have decided to make a list of things I want do in my singleness.
A list of goals, dreams and whatever I decide deserves to be on a list. The list doesn't have to be things I can ONLY do when I'm single but just that I can properly dedicate my time to while being single.

So, the best time to start this list is now....

• Get involved at a nursing home or assisted living home, whether playing piano for the residents or just visiting with them (or both).
  Why waste a single moment? Such beautiful people with such incredible insight on the world, and they don't deserve to be lonely or neglected.
• Get to know the female children and teens placed in my life on a personal level, be there for them and love them.
  It is my responsibility as a woman who follows Jesus to find those who I can disciple and to disciple them.
• Find a godly, female mentor.
  It is also my responsibility as a woman who follows Jesus to find someone who can disciple me and keep me accountable in my walk with God.
• Find a job that I love, and be a friend and testimony to my coworkers. Be a light by my work ethic.
  The world is my mission field.
• Travel. I don't care where and I don't care how.
  As long as I have the resources and the physical capability, I am seeing this world that my Father has created. It doesn't have to be everywhere, it just has to be anywhere. Also, I intend on spreading Jesus everywhere I go.
• Minister to people that are least ministered to.
  Orphans, widows, the poor, the rich, the middle class... I don't know who all of these people are yet, but I'm finding them and, if I am able, I am sharing Jesus' love with them.
• Learn to cook & sew well.
  Because these are fantastic skills, and I want to have them.
• Get in shape.
  Jog. Sprint. Crunch. Lift.... learn the names of the other things I need to do to get in shape...
• Climb as many mountains as I can on the East Coast.
  And then watch "The Sound of Music," because we all know the song "Climb Every Mountain" will eternally be stuck in my head.
• Visit the West Coast.
  Because I never have.
• Go back to Lebanon.
  Because it's a place that I love.

That's what I have so far. What are your ideas?

Five Times a Bridesmaid: Lies I Have Believed

Next weekend, I will be in my 5th wedding. That's not to say that I haven't been to many, many more weddings. Five is only the number that I have happened to have been a bridesmaid/maid of honor in. It was fun the first few times, especially when I was younger. 
Don't misunderstand me, I am always so happy for the couple on their wedding day-- their faces glow and they're in their own land of bliss. It's sweet and precious, and I'm glad they're experiencing that.

However, I feel like the "always a bridesmaid" concept has simply fed the fire of lies that I tend to believe as a single female. Lies that I probably will continue to fight even beyond my singleness. Lies that I must fight against daily with God's strength.

So, if you're anything like me, you believe lies.
Why do we believe these lies?
Maybe it's because we are weak, failing to recognize our identity in Christ.
Maybe it's because we enjoy copping out, and simply use the lies as excuses to be lazy.
Maybe it's because we don't surround ourselves with Truth, that is, God's Word.
Or maybe it could be that we simply don't even recognize them as lies.

Whatever the reason, the issue is that we are telling ourselves LIES.
Clips from the world, clips from culture, clips from ourselves.. all meshed together to form the lies that prohibit us from embracing our lives for everything they are.

Here are a few lies I have to remind myself not to believe:

1. Nobody wants me.
   That sounds extreme and maybe ridiculous, but this is one of the most commonly believed lies in my life. I tell myself that if I'm still single, that must mean I'm undesirable.
   "Nobody has chosen me."
   Well, friends, I can tell you right now, that the LORD has dubbed this "LIE."
   Why? Because He has made it clear THROUGHOUT His Word how much He truly loves me. It honestly brings tears to my eyes. Beyond the fact that there are human beings who do love me (despite my buying into the falsehoods that say otherwise), I have the affections of the One who truly knows love- my Creator. Even if I do have a loving family and loving friends-- even if I were to have a man that "wanted" me-- that really isn't the full measure of love. As I discussed in one of my other blogs, Jesus Christ is the Creator of LOVE, and love received from all other human beings has simply been "hand-me-down love." It's still a beautiful thing to be loved by humans, but nothing compares to the Love of God.
2. I will always be a bridesmaid.
   I've realized recently that most lies we believe are pretty bizarre when we really think about them. Nonetheless, it's there.
   That fear that we'll always just "be there." No significant role, just existent. That is one of my largest fears. To just "exist." And one lie I constantly swallow is that this idea is a reality. That my existence is meaningless.
   Here's where it gets tricky. Though not true in regards to being a child of God and being given purpose for His kingdom, it is however true, in that, it's not about me. We're not the main characters, we're just supporting roles. We are just subplots.
   To Jesus Christ, I'm not just the bridesmaid. I'm His bride. A bride that He believed was worth sacrificing Himself for. But this story isn't about the bride- it's about the groom.
   It's about His heroic actions, His selfless sacrifice, His fearless conquering, His beautiful return.
3. If my friends are getting married now, that means I should be too.
   I've already written a whole post about this, so you can read that here if you are interested in hearing more about that.
4. If I'm still single, I'm failing to meet the world's timeline.
   Although the world does not encourage marriage- in fact, many think it's old fashioned and meaningless- they do encourage relationships. All sorts of interesting relationships, whether Biblical or not. "Just find someone who makes you happy." (Ok, that's not a bad thing, but it is when morality is compromised and God's Word is ignored.) 
   I'm 21, and, by the world's standards, I should have a boyfriend right now. If I don't have a boyfriend, I should at least be flirting with guys and doing what I want when I want.
   Well, according to the world, I'm failing. I don't go flirt with random guys. I don't just pursue guys because I want to or because I can. To the world, I am a failure of a female. I'm not conquering my independence, single or not, and to the world, I'm not taking advantage of my womanhood.
   Well world, I'd rather fail on your standards than fail on God's. I guess the whole "I'm failing the world" idea is not really a lie but rather a seemingly negative truth. In reality, this is a truth that might be difficult to swallow but necessary in order to maintain a holy relationship with God. It's something that I need to realize is positive. I need to unbrainwash myself from the world.
5. I'm behind in life.
   I find myself not only believing this, but also rushing myself through life and missing opportunities along the way. Instead of taking every moment, every circumstance, every point in my life and running with them, I get distracted and try to catch up with a non-existent expectation. An expectation that no one has really set for me except myself. The expectation that says, "I am supposed to be at this specific point in my life in order to be successful."
   The reality is, this lie causes me to miss beautiful moments. Beautiful moments I still regret missing. Beautiful moments that could have been incredible memories and experiences.
   Friends, this IS where I am in life. I can't be behind. This is my life. Right now.
   I must eradicate this lie completely, or I will miss my life.

Those are just a few of the lies, but definitely prevalent ones.
What are some lies you are believing?

Remembering the Good Days

Some days will be harder than others.

When those hard days come, just remind yourself that every stage has its hard days.
For the single, the hard days might feel lonely.
For the dating, the hard days might feel stifling.
For the married, the hard days might feel overwhelming with responsibility.

Each stage has its struggles, and each stage has its blessings.

The trick is, on the hard days, remember the struggles of the other stages and remember the blessings of singleness. Remember what makes the good days good and remember what you like about being single.

Typical perspective:
"Everyone else MUST be happier than me. Look at that couple.. they're so happy! That's the ideal lifestyle. That's where I have to get to be happy."
...Flawed perspective.
That's what that is.

No life is perfect, and, despite popular belief, relationships are not the source of happiness.
In fact, there are people in relationships right this very moment as we speak who are envying single people, envying YOU, wishing they had the same type of freedoms as the single.
That's not to say that marriage isn't a beautiful, God-ordained institution, but that doesn't mean it is the measure of fulfillment.
Abiding in God's will is the source of joy and fulfillment. 
If they are in God's will, then that is the source of their joy.
If you are in God's will, then that is the source of your joy.

Like I said before, remember what you like about being single and what about it brings you joy.

For me, I remember that I am freer to serve in other, less restricted ways.
I don't have a man to have to be a support to right now, and I don't have children to raise.
Right now, my attention is solely on using my abilities and talents to serve God, spread Jesus and minister to others.
That's it.
I mean, I love and care for my family and friends, but the only human being I am currently officially responsible for is myself.
It keeps doors open.
It makes things simple.

Someday, God may give me those added responsibilities, but until then, I am free to minister in a career, free to minister on my own, free to minister to my family and free to focus on my own personal growth without those extra aspects of life.
All of those things are helping to build a foundation for me, showing me who I need to be in Christ before I can effectively be anything to anyone else (a wife, friend, helper, mother, etc.),
For that, I am thankful.

Simplicity.
That's my favorite thing about being single.
And, for me, that's what makes the good days, good days.

Expectations ≠ Truth

If you're like me, about 90% of your friends are either in a serious relationship, engaged or married and having babies. The "having babies" stage has not really eaten many of my friends yet, but give it about a year or two. It will happen.

If you're even more like me, almost all of the folks around your age fit into the 90% (disclaimer: this is a completely made up statistic), leading to the "unrealistic expectation bandwagon" at your local church or with your mutual friends/Christians....

Me: "I'm actually happy being single right now! Praise Jesus!"
...a week later...
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Oh. I see 'so-and-so' just got engaged. You're next, eh? *wink wink*"
Me: "Oh, hahah, no I'm still single... so it will be a little while. Also, I'm not Canadian so I don't say eh."
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Wait.. you mean, you didn't find anyone at that big Christian school you go to yet? You've been there HOW MANY years? And there are HOW MANY students there? What on earth have you been doing there this whole time?"
Me: "....getting an education?"
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Wow. You've been slacking."

I'm not sure if that sounds familiar.

I suppose my question is, why is it that just because everyone else is getting engaged right this very second, that I need to be engaged right this very second?
What makes people think that God's will for them is the same as God's will for me?
I am not "those people," and I have no desire to be.
I am who God created me to be, and I am meant to follow the path that God leads me down.
Just because Susie-Q is having a June wedding at the church we all grew up in does not mean that I am immediately obligated to find "that special person"  and then marry them that very same June. I'm sorry, but no.

....This may be one of the saltier posts, but I have a point (I promise).

Just because there are expectations, does not mean they are godly ones. To feel the need to "find a person" because of your environment, family, friends, society, etc. is incredibly flawed and will probably end in misery.
People's expectations are empty, because people don't know you the way God knows you.
People don't know my God-given talents the way the God who gave them to me does.
They don't know what's best for me the way my Heavenly Father does.
They don't know what my life will look like the way my Savior does.
They don't know what the LORD is doing in my life.
They don't know what He WILL do in my life.
People don't know.
I don't even know.

So before the heat of expectations get to me, I must remember Who actually KNOWS me and ask myself if I trust Him enough (or am I trusting people.. or myself.. instead) to let Him do His thing in my life.

I'm not a math wiz, but here are some simple equations to remember....

(≠ means "not equal to," in case you're even worse at math than I am)

My life ≠ someone else's life.

God's will for my life ≠ God's will for someone else's life.

People's plan for me ≠ God's plan for me
My plan for myself ≠ God's plan for me

My spiritual gifts ≠ My brother/sister in Christ's spiritual gifts

My callings from God ≠ My brother/sister in Christ's callings from God

Areas of growth I need ≠ Areas of growth they need

Singleness ≠ Failure.

Being in a Relationship ≠ Success.

Basically, 
comparison = misery.

Stewarding Singleness

The LORD has been teaching me a lot about what it means to be a "good steward."
Maybe that seems irrelevant, but let me explain.

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the parable of the talents (which, according to dictionary.com is, before the year 900, "a balance, weight, monetary unit").

In this parable, a man (representing the Lord) goes on a journey, and he "called his own servants and delivered his goods to them. And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to each according to his own ability." (vs. 14 & 15)
  
Notice the phrase "his goods" is in bold. 
Why? Because this represents that everything we have (whether ability, circumstance, opportunity, talent, skill.. whatever) is God's.  
We are simply given the opportunity to be stewards of them.
So the amount of responsibility we can handle, so the amount God gives us.
("each according to his own ability").

As the story goes on, the servants who had five and two talents invested what was given to them and from the amount given to them, produced profit. However, the man with one talent simply hid the talent, making no use of it at all. (vs 17 & 18) 

The man came back to see what the servants had done with what they were given, and to the first two men he said, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ (vs 20-23)
Unfortunately, here's what the servant with the one talent said to his master:
‘Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’ (vs. 24-25)

To which the master responds 
‘You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest....’

Now, ok. I realize, if you read on, this passage is specifically talking about believers taking ownership of their faith, and the result of people refusing to accept what Christ has done for them and invest their lives into it. Or something to that affect.. I'm honestly not entirely sure (sorry for my lack of theological training). Either way, it is not my intention to take it out of context, by any means.

I do, however, want to draw out a parallel here, showing you how God has recently used this passage in my life. 

In every believer's life, there are God-given responsibilities.
In our case, being single is the responsibility God has given us.
During this point of our lives, it is what God has called us to do.
The question is, are we being good stewards of our singleness?
God has kept us single for a reason-- we have tasks to do that we can only accomplish as single people. Well, are we doing them?

If we aren't good stewards of what God has given us as single people, we won't be good stewards of what God gives us while in a relationship. I believe that relationships are an extra lump of responsibility thrown into the mix which God blesses individuals with once they have been good stewards of what He has already given them. 

If we aren't good stewards with our money while single, we won't be while married.
If we aren't good stewards with our time, we won't be while we married.  
If we aren't good stewards with our talents, we won't be while married.
If we aren't good stewards with our spiritual gifts, we won't be while married.
If we aren't good stewards with our relationships, we definitely won't be while married.

Singleness is the time to develop what God has given us so that someday, we will be ready for more God-granted responsibility. 
Don't waste your singleness.

The Part Where I Explain

Well, friends, much misinterpretation could come regarding the motivation of the blog, so I think it's better to go ahead and clarify.

Some may think this is a place where single people can whine about their "condition" and figure out how to rid themselves of the "disease" that is singleness.
"So... just tell me how to get un-single."

False. 

Or, maybe some of you are thinking this is where we can gather as single people to rag on people in relationships and to talk about how overrated relationships are because we are "individualistic and strong."

False. False. False.

The issue is, whether single or whether in a relationship, we're missing the point.
All of us as human beings.
We're missing it.

The issue isn't whether we're single or in a relationship.
That's not the point.
We're not here to simply be single or to simply be married.
We're here to glorify God and to serve Him regardless of our circumstances.
That's the point.

The point is, that we, specifically as single people, have fallen into this mind-set that we haven't reached "it" (whatever "it" is) until we've achieved relationship status.
We've fallen into the pattern of wasting our singleness.

So that-- all of the above-- is why I have felt God pushing me to start this blog.
We've missed the point, and I think it's time to remind ourselves.
It's time to focus on glorifying God in every part our lives.

As my sister said today, "If you aren't satisfied with what God gives you as a single person, you won't be satisfied as a married person." And she's right.
In the same way, if we're not serving the Lord and glorifying God as single people, probability says that we probably won't be serving the Lord and glorifying God as married people.

Hope this clarified some things!