Naturally Relational

Why do so many individuals have a hard time being single? Is it ok to be sad about it? Is it normal?

If you follow my posts at all, I'm guessing you probably have asked yourselves these questions or at least ones similar to them. 

I often find myself feeling guilty that I feel lonely. I wonder if I am truly content with my relationship with God... if my desire for a relationship is negative or sinful. If it is contrary to God's will to feel that way. After thinking about these questions and discussing the topic with others who I respect, I have realized the flawed nature of this guilt. 

I know that right now, I am exactly where God wants me. Singleness is His will for me right now, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am content in His will, and He gives me His peace when I obey what He has called me to do.

However, that does not mean I am not relational. It does not mean that God wills for me to be alone all the time. It does not mean that He is calling me to live in singleness my whole life. 

It also doesn't mean that it's wrong for me to feel sad when those relational needs are not being met.

1. God created us from the beginning as relational creatures.   

^{(GENESIS 2:18-22)}  

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” ¹⁹ Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.²¹ And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. ²² Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 

2. God is relational and seeks for us to have a relationship with Him.

God gives us the opportunity to know Him, thanks to His Son, Jesus Christ, interceding on our behalf. As it says in Acts 17:27 that "He is not far from each one of us." The LORD makes Himself available, because He wants a relationship with us. He is relational.

^{(ACTS 17:24-28)} 

 “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. ²⁵ Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things.²⁶ And He has made from one blood^[c] every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, ²⁷ so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; ²⁸ for in Him we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are also His offspring.’

3. Jesus was relational.

Over and over and over again throughout the Gospels, we see Jesus ministering to people and spending time with people. In the only account we have about Jesus as a child, He is spending time with and discussing Biblical issues with religious leaders.

^{(LUKE 2:46-47)} 

Now so it was that after three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ And all who heard Him were astonished at His understanding and answers.

His first miracle was done while He was with His mother and His disciples at a wedding.

(JOHN 2:1) 

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. ² Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding.

He spent time teaching people, healed the sick, ate with both religious leaders and sinners, spent time with 12 specific individuals throughout His whole ministry, cared for His mother as He was dying on the cross, loved and cared for children, and the list goes on and on...

4. The Trinity is relational with each other. 

I'm just going to go ahead and direct you to this page--> Answers in Genesis speaks on the topic of the Trinity, and about halfway through, they discuss the relationship between God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.


As you can see, we serve a relational God who created us relationally. From this, I am learning that is absolutely healthy to seek relationships. It's ok for me to desire to someday be married. It's ok, because it's normal. It's ok, because we were created that way.

However, marriage/romantic relationships are NOT the only relationships that exist. 
God has placed people in my life, and He has placed them strategically. Whether that means my parents, a hall full of college girls, children at my church, elderly folks at a nursing home, my nephew or a man, the people in my life are not there accidentally.
Whatever the type of relationship, God calls us to live relationally and to spend our time glorifying God and serving people. The longing for people doesn't mean that I only long for a romantic relationship. The LORD knows that my desire is that the relationships in my life that bring the most glory to God  are the ones that flourish and grow. God knows which relationships will be most meaningful at this time in my life, and I trust Him with those relationships.

It's ok to desire specific types of relationships. The key is to not miss the relationships that God has placed in our lives right now.

A New Semester

For any of you who happened to read this blog, sorry for the delay of posts. I decided to take a short break for the summer, especially when I realized that some people were still getting the wrong idea about the purpose of this blog.

Just to re-clarify: this is not a blog to mope about being single. In fact, I quite like my singleness most of the time. Rather, the purpose of this blog is to encourage other single people to have a healthy and beautiful perspective on singleness (rather than see it as a plague). I've had so many single ladies (and guys too occasionally) come to me, so completely discouraged by their singleness, and I decided that it was time for us to see our lives for what they truly are- useful.

If a relationship isn't causing us to glorify God better, than it's better to glorify God alone.

So anyway, that was just a refresher course to prevent people from making assumptions and judgements about my intentions of this blog. I know it was a risk to start this, but if it means furthering the kingdom of God in the single community, then it's a risk I'm willing to take.

On that note, this year- my last year in college- my goal is to highlight in this blog other single people who are using their singleness, despite their natural desire for a relationship, to serve God wholly and selflessly. And there are those people. I know them well, and I am blessed to be surrounded by them.

Anyway, that was just a public service announcement.. so stay tuned for a legitimate post =).

Doing that. Going there.

There is absolutely no conceivable way that I am going to waste this singleness. You better believe I'm taking advantage of my current status. I refuse to be that future married person who constantly looks back, wishing they could have "done that" or "been there."

No. I'm doing that.
I'm going there.
It's happening while I'm able.
Whatever "it" is.

I know there is no possible way I can cover everything, but I'm not wasting a moment and that will be enough.

I have decided to make a list of things I want do in my singleness.
A list of goals, dreams and whatever I decide deserves to be on a list. The list doesn't have to be things I can ONLY do when I'm single but just that I can properly dedicate my time to while being single.

So, the best time to start this list is now....

• Get involved at a nursing home or assisted living home, whether playing piano for the residents or just visiting with them (or both).
  Why waste a single moment? Such beautiful people with such incredible insight on the world, and they don't deserve to be lonely or neglected.
• Get to know the female children and teens placed in my life on a personal level, be there for them and love them.
  It is my responsibility as a woman who follows Jesus to find those who I can disciple and to disciple them.
• Find a godly, female mentor.
  It is also my responsibility as a woman who follows Jesus to find someone who can disciple me and keep me accountable in my walk with God.
• Find a job that I love, and be a friend and testimony to my coworkers. Be a light by my work ethic.
  The world is my mission field.
• Travel. I don't care where and I don't care how.
  As long as I have the resources and the physical capability, I am seeing this world that my Father has created. It doesn't have to be everywhere, it just has to be anywhere. Also, I intend on spreading Jesus everywhere I go.
• Minister to people that are least ministered to.
  Orphans, widows, the poor, the rich, the middle class... I don't know who all of these people are yet, but I'm finding them and, if I am able, I am sharing Jesus' love with them.
• Learn to cook & sew well.
  Because these are fantastic skills, and I want to have them.
• Get in shape.
  Jog. Sprint. Crunch. Lift.... learn the names of the other things I need to do to get in shape...
• Climb as many mountains as I can on the East Coast.
  And then watch "The Sound of Music," because we all know the song "Climb Every Mountain" will eternally be stuck in my head.
• Visit the West Coast.
  Because I never have.
• Go back to Lebanon.
  Because it's a place that I love.

That's what I have so far. What are your ideas?

To Be Pursued: Single Blog Edition

This might be more to girls than it is to guys, but if the men read this in a way that opens their eyes to the responsibility of "making the first move," that works too.

A certain renown Christian university chancellor's wife once encouraged a room full of college women, myself included, to "not wait for a man to pursue you. If you want something, go get it."
I believe those were her exact words, or something close to them.

Well, I'm here to refute that Biblically.
(feel free to click all the embedded links to see the Scripture to back up my points).

The world is filled with concepts that seem like good ideas, but they just really are not (because they're not God's ideas).
I believe that women pursuing men is one of them.
This is has been a more recent concept in our culture.. probably within the last 50 years, I'm guessing? Nonetheless, I believe it has suffocated many marriages, including Christian ones.

I once wrote a blog post about being pursued from a slightly romantic point of view. This post focuses more on the practical side. They probably have some similar themes, though, so bear with me.

Women need to be loved.

Men need to be respected.

Though those facts are typically known, they were fairly new to me (in that, it just recently clicked).

Those two truths are God-designed.

Since the beginning of time, He dubbed men to be the leaders of their homes. When Adam and Eve committed that first, infamous sin in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3), who was held first held accountable? Adam. Despite his wife's first act of disobedience to God, the man was first held accountable. Sad, but true.

Ephesians 5:22-33 tells women to submit to and respect their husbands and tells men to love their wives.
The truths are natural and God-ordained. 

In 1 Corinthians 14:34-36, women are instructed to look to their husbands for spiritual guidance.
1 Peter 3:1-5 describes what the character of a woman should look like: submissive to her husband, an example of the gospel (especially when their husbands aren't walking with God: ..."that their conduct may win their husbands") not focusing on outward adornment but on the inward spirit, "with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."
That doesn't mean that woman are weak beings who can't say a word, but rather it means that we hold the honor of being protected by the man that God puts in our life.

Knowing that, I believe that women pursuing men is absolutely contradictory to these truths.
A marriage that is based on the initiation of the woman is a marriage that has formed a pattern against how God intended.


The point:
I often get: "Well, if you're single, why don't you go make an effort to be unsingle!" 
First off, the point isn't to get "unsingle."
Second, it's not my job. That's not to say that I don't have to mutually make effort in a relationship. That's not the case. However, it is not my job to initiate it.
I refuse to pursue a man because I do NOT want that sort of marriage.

1. When one begins a marriage based on the woman's pursuing of a man, they begin a pattern that minimizes the man from being the spiritual and emotional leader in their home. She has been the initial decision-maker and initiator, and who's to say she won't be for the rest of their marriage? I don't know about you, but I'm not feeling the "dragging my husband around" concept. I want to be led in my home, not pushed into leadership (just how God intended).
2. It's not our burden to carry. The man was given title of leader in the home and Biblically, we are the helpers, supporters and nurturers (Genesis 2:18). (Please see this post I read online for more information on that topic. Very good explanation). To add on the burden in a relationship of "spiritual leader" or "marital leader" is unwise, unbiblical and simply draining. It's not what we were designed to do.
3. By going and making the "first move," I am saying, "God, I don't trust that You can bring someone to lead me in a relationship. I don't trust that You can, and I don't trust that You will." I'm sorry, but I don't want to be a part of that, and I don't want to miss out on God's blessings because I was impatient, lacking meekness and failing to trust God.
   No, thanks.
4. When I, as a woman, take it upon myself to go "find a man," I am not respecting him.When a man requires a woman to take it upon herself to chase him, he is not loving her.
   It's as simple as that. We already came to the conclusion that men need to be respected and women need to be loved. By switching the roles of pursual, we are failing to meet the basic male/female needs.

In conclusion, single women-- let a man pursue you, even though that may in fact mean, *gasp*, waiting in faith. Single men, please don't leave this burden for the women.

How to 3rd Wheel in Style

If you've ever felt like a third wheel, fear not! You are not alone. "3rd-wheeling," as I affectionately call it, sort of holds a negative reputation. And honestly, I don't blame people for buying into the idea that is impossible to have friends who are dating or married.
I mean, I believed it too. All year long. Ok, maybe my whole life.
The point is, it is possible to have a good time while 3rd-wheeling.
However, this skill must be learned.

So although you may have this extremely painful mental image when I mention the term "third wheel," let's try for a second to push that stereotype out of the mind and attempt to appear in a fresh field of poppies.

There we go. Now we can officially start.

Friends, 3rd-wheeling doesn't have to be a trip on a greyhound bus.
It can be a joyride in a red convertible.

In fact, 3rd-wheeling can be pretty enjoyable if done right. Take it from a girl who has her honorary doctorate in the field of 3rd-wheeling. I even almost accomplished 5th-wheeling (this one takes a little bit more concentration and tact).....

See the girl on the left? That's my best friend.
See the guy on the right? That's my other good friend.
They're dating. I was the matchmaker.

See that person in the middle? That's me.

This, my friends, is the portrait epitomizing the art of 3rd-wheeling.
It is, in fact, an art.

Honestly, it's not like any typical art form such as painting, dancing or acting, but it does share one quality as the previously mentioned: it all stems from the mind.
If you think you're having a bad time, then you will.
If you think it's going to be awkward, it will be.
If you think you don't matter, you won't.

Really, the issue is, attitude.  (which I typically find to be the key to almost everything).

Now, most people that would see that picture would laugh. Or maybe pity me. I would prefer you to laugh. Because it is funny. I'm sitting there cheezing in the background.
Do you know why I'm cheezing?
Because I had fun with these two.
Because I love that my friends are happy together.
Because I am assured that they both will take care of each other.
Because God has allowed them to have a relationship that is glorifying to Him.
Because I love that God allowed me to be a part of it.

I'm cheezing because God has blessed them and, by association, I am blessed as well! Their relationship is a blessing to me.

Hey look! We're all cheezing!

That's the thing, friends.  
Other people's joys should be the LAST thing to make us miserable.
It's one thing if the couple is awkward and inappropriate (oh, don't you worry, I have many words for those couples...), but it's another thing when you just have friends who simply are moving onto a different stage of life and have been called by God in that direction.

Who are we to complain about other people's blessings?
We are overlooking the example that the godly couples are setting for us. If you have those unawkward, godly couples in your life- thank them. Don't scorn them for their joy.

Also, have fun with 3rd-wheeling! If they aren't on a date, then join them ;]. They still need other friends too! Adventures are most definitely more fun in groups.
Also, you get to be awarded with capturing some pretty awesome moments for these folks.

 

Photo props to Heather for this picture

Let's face it, folks-- it's not really about us. Even though we always think it is, it's not.
Be a blessing to someone else for a change and as a result, blessings will come.

Let others be joyful, and jump on the joy ride. God provides true joy, so don't let the awkward 3rd-wheel stereotype stifle the godly relationships around you.



For a short anecdote I wrote about a year and a half ago on being a 3rd wheel, click here.

The Part Where I Explain

Well, friends, much misinterpretation could come regarding the motivation of the blog, so I think it's better to go ahead and clarify.

Some may think this is a place where single people can whine about their "condition" and figure out how to rid themselves of the "disease" that is singleness.
"So... just tell me how to get un-single."

False. 

Or, maybe some of you are thinking this is where we can gather as single people to rag on people in relationships and to talk about how overrated relationships are because we are "individualistic and strong."

False. False. False.

The issue is, whether single or whether in a relationship, we're missing the point.
All of us as human beings.
We're missing it.

The issue isn't whether we're single or in a relationship.
That's not the point.
We're not here to simply be single or to simply be married.
We're here to glorify God and to serve Him regardless of our circumstances.
That's the point.

The point is, that we, specifically as single people, have fallen into this mind-set that we haven't reached "it" (whatever "it" is) until we've achieved relationship status.
We've fallen into the pattern of wasting our singleness.

So that-- all of the above-- is why I have felt God pushing me to start this blog.
We've missed the point, and I think it's time to remind ourselves.
It's time to focus on glorifying God in every part our lives.

As my sister said today, "If you aren't satisfied with what God gives you as a single person, you won't be satisfied as a married person." And she's right.
In the same way, if we're not serving the Lord and glorifying God as single people, probability says that we probably won't be serving the Lord and glorifying God as married people.

Hope this clarified some things!