Five Times a Bridesmaid: Lies I Have Believed

Next weekend, I will be in my 5th wedding. That's not to say that I haven't been to many, many more weddings. Five is only the number that I have happened to have been a bridesmaid/maid of honor in. It was fun the first few times, especially when I was younger. 
Don't misunderstand me, I am always so happy for the couple on their wedding day-- their faces glow and they're in their own land of bliss. It's sweet and precious, and I'm glad they're experiencing that.

However, I feel like the "always a bridesmaid" concept has simply fed the fire of lies that I tend to believe as a single female. Lies that I probably will continue to fight even beyond my singleness. Lies that I must fight against daily with God's strength.

So, if you're anything like me, you believe lies.
Why do we believe these lies?
Maybe it's because we are weak, failing to recognize our identity in Christ.
Maybe it's because we enjoy copping out, and simply use the lies as excuses to be lazy.
Maybe it's because we don't surround ourselves with Truth, that is, God's Word.
Or maybe it could be that we simply don't even recognize them as lies.

Whatever the reason, the issue is that we are telling ourselves LIES.
Clips from the world, clips from culture, clips from ourselves.. all meshed together to form the lies that prohibit us from embracing our lives for everything they are.

Here are a few lies I have to remind myself not to believe:

1. Nobody wants me.
   That sounds extreme and maybe ridiculous, but this is one of the most commonly believed lies in my life. I tell myself that if I'm still single, that must mean I'm undesirable.
   "Nobody has chosen me."
   Well, friends, I can tell you right now, that the LORD has dubbed this "LIE."
   Why? Because He has made it clear THROUGHOUT His Word how much He truly loves me. It honestly brings tears to my eyes. Beyond the fact that there are human beings who do love me (despite my buying into the falsehoods that say otherwise), I have the affections of the One who truly knows love- my Creator. Even if I do have a loving family and loving friends-- even if I were to have a man that "wanted" me-- that really isn't the full measure of love. As I discussed in one of my other blogs, Jesus Christ is the Creator of LOVE, and love received from all other human beings has simply been "hand-me-down love." It's still a beautiful thing to be loved by humans, but nothing compares to the Love of God.
2. I will always be a bridesmaid.
   I've realized recently that most lies we believe are pretty bizarre when we really think about them. Nonetheless, it's there.
   That fear that we'll always just "be there." No significant role, just existent. That is one of my largest fears. To just "exist." And one lie I constantly swallow is that this idea is a reality. That my existence is meaningless.
   Here's where it gets tricky. Though not true in regards to being a child of God and being given purpose for His kingdom, it is however true, in that, it's not about me. We're not the main characters, we're just supporting roles. We are just subplots.
   To Jesus Christ, I'm not just the bridesmaid. I'm His bride. A bride that He believed was worth sacrificing Himself for. But this story isn't about the bride- it's about the groom.
   It's about His heroic actions, His selfless sacrifice, His fearless conquering, His beautiful return.
3. If my friends are getting married now, that means I should be too.
   I've already written a whole post about this, so you can read that here if you are interested in hearing more about that.
4. If I'm still single, I'm failing to meet the world's timeline.
   Although the world does not encourage marriage- in fact, many think it's old fashioned and meaningless- they do encourage relationships. All sorts of interesting relationships, whether Biblical or not. "Just find someone who makes you happy." (Ok, that's not a bad thing, but it is when morality is compromised and God's Word is ignored.) 
   I'm 21, and, by the world's standards, I should have a boyfriend right now. If I don't have a boyfriend, I should at least be flirting with guys and doing what I want when I want.
   Well, according to the world, I'm failing. I don't go flirt with random guys. I don't just pursue guys because I want to or because I can. To the world, I am a failure of a female. I'm not conquering my independence, single or not, and to the world, I'm not taking advantage of my womanhood.
   Well world, I'd rather fail on your standards than fail on God's. I guess the whole "I'm failing the world" idea is not really a lie but rather a seemingly negative truth. In reality, this is a truth that might be difficult to swallow but necessary in order to maintain a holy relationship with God. It's something that I need to realize is positive. I need to unbrainwash myself from the world.
5. I'm behind in life.
   I find myself not only believing this, but also rushing myself through life and missing opportunities along the way. Instead of taking every moment, every circumstance, every point in my life and running with them, I get distracted and try to catch up with a non-existent expectation. An expectation that no one has really set for me except myself. The expectation that says, "I am supposed to be at this specific point in my life in order to be successful."
   The reality is, this lie causes me to miss beautiful moments. Beautiful moments I still regret missing. Beautiful moments that could have been incredible memories and experiences.
   Friends, this IS where I am in life. I can't be behind. This is my life. Right now.
   I must eradicate this lie completely, or I will miss my life.

Those are just a few of the lies, but definitely prevalent ones.
What are some lies you are believing?

Expectations ≠ Truth

If you're like me, about 90% of your friends are either in a serious relationship, engaged or married and having babies. The "having babies" stage has not really eaten many of my friends yet, but give it about a year or two. It will happen.

If you're even more like me, almost all of the folks around your age fit into the 90% (disclaimer: this is a completely made up statistic), leading to the "unrealistic expectation bandwagon" at your local church or with your mutual friends/Christians....

Me: "I'm actually happy being single right now! Praise Jesus!"
...a week later...
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Oh. I see 'so-and-so' just got engaged. You're next, eh? *wink wink*"
Me: "Oh, hahah, no I'm still single... so it will be a little while. Also, I'm not Canadian so I don't say eh."
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Wait.. you mean, you didn't find anyone at that big Christian school you go to yet? You've been there HOW MANY years? And there are HOW MANY students there? What on earth have you been doing there this whole time?"
Me: "....getting an education?"
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Wow. You've been slacking."

I'm not sure if that sounds familiar.

I suppose my question is, why is it that just because everyone else is getting engaged right this very second, that I need to be engaged right this very second?
What makes people think that God's will for them is the same as God's will for me?
I am not "those people," and I have no desire to be.
I am who God created me to be, and I am meant to follow the path that God leads me down.
Just because Susie-Q is having a June wedding at the church we all grew up in does not mean that I am immediately obligated to find "that special person"  and then marry them that very same June. I'm sorry, but no.

....This may be one of the saltier posts, but I have a point (I promise).

Just because there are expectations, does not mean they are godly ones. To feel the need to "find a person" because of your environment, family, friends, society, etc. is incredibly flawed and will probably end in misery.
People's expectations are empty, because people don't know you the way God knows you.
People don't know my God-given talents the way the God who gave them to me does.
They don't know what's best for me the way my Heavenly Father does.
They don't know what my life will look like the way my Savior does.
They don't know what the LORD is doing in my life.
They don't know what He WILL do in my life.
People don't know.
I don't even know.

So before the heat of expectations get to me, I must remember Who actually KNOWS me and ask myself if I trust Him enough (or am I trusting people.. or myself.. instead) to let Him do His thing in my life.

I'm not a math wiz, but here are some simple equations to remember....

(≠ means "not equal to," in case you're even worse at math than I am)

My life ≠ someone else's life.

God's will for my life ≠ God's will for someone else's life.

People's plan for me ≠ God's plan for me
My plan for myself ≠ God's plan for me

My spiritual gifts ≠ My brother/sister in Christ's spiritual gifts

My callings from God ≠ My brother/sister in Christ's callings from God

Areas of growth I need ≠ Areas of growth they need

Singleness ≠ Failure.

Being in a Relationship ≠ Success.

Basically, 
comparison = misery.