Expectations ≠ Truth

If you're like me, about 90% of your friends are either in a serious relationship, engaged or married and having babies. The "having babies" stage has not really eaten many of my friends yet, but give it about a year or two. It will happen.

If you're even more like me, almost all of the folks around your age fit into the 90% (disclaimer: this is a completely made up statistic), leading to the "unrealistic expectation bandwagon" at your local church or with your mutual friends/Christians....

Me: "I'm actually happy being single right now! Praise Jesus!"
...a week later...
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Oh. I see 'so-and-so' just got engaged. You're next, eh? *wink wink*"
Me: "Oh, hahah, no I'm still single... so it will be a little while. Also, I'm not Canadian so I don't say eh."
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Wait.. you mean, you didn't find anyone at that big Christian school you go to yet? You've been there HOW MANY years? And there are HOW MANY students there? What on earth have you been doing there this whole time?"
Me: "....getting an education?"
Church Folk in their 60-somethings +: "Wow. You've been slacking."

I'm not sure if that sounds familiar.

I suppose my question is, why is it that just because everyone else is getting engaged right this very second, that I need to be engaged right this very second?
What makes people think that God's will for them is the same as God's will for me?
I am not "those people," and I have no desire to be.
I am who God created me to be, and I am meant to follow the path that God leads me down.
Just because Susie-Q is having a June wedding at the church we all grew up in does not mean that I am immediately obligated to find "that special person"  and then marry them that very same June. I'm sorry, but no.

....This may be one of the saltier posts, but I have a point (I promise).

Just because there are expectations, does not mean they are godly ones. To feel the need to "find a person" because of your environment, family, friends, society, etc. is incredibly flawed and will probably end in misery.
People's expectations are empty, because people don't know you the way God knows you.
People don't know my God-given talents the way the God who gave them to me does.
They don't know what's best for me the way my Heavenly Father does.
They don't know what my life will look like the way my Savior does.
They don't know what the LORD is doing in my life.
They don't know what He WILL do in my life.
People don't know.
I don't even know.

So before the heat of expectations get to me, I must remember Who actually KNOWS me and ask myself if I trust Him enough (or am I trusting people.. or myself.. instead) to let Him do His thing in my life.

I'm not a math wiz, but here are some simple equations to remember....

(≠ means "not equal to," in case you're even worse at math than I am)

My life ≠ someone else's life.

God's will for my life ≠ God's will for someone else's life.

People's plan for me ≠ God's plan for me
My plan for myself ≠ God's plan for me

My spiritual gifts ≠ My brother/sister in Christ's spiritual gifts

My callings from God ≠ My brother/sister in Christ's callings from God

Areas of growth I need ≠ Areas of growth they need

Singleness ≠ Failure.

Being in a Relationship ≠ Success.

Basically, 
comparison = misery.

How to 3rd Wheel in Style

If you've ever felt like a third wheel, fear not! You are not alone. "3rd-wheeling," as I affectionately call it, sort of holds a negative reputation. And honestly, I don't blame people for buying into the idea that is impossible to have friends who are dating or married.
I mean, I believed it too. All year long. Ok, maybe my whole life.
The point is, it is possible to have a good time while 3rd-wheeling.
However, this skill must be learned.

So although you may have this extremely painful mental image when I mention the term "third wheel," let's try for a second to push that stereotype out of the mind and attempt to appear in a fresh field of poppies.

There we go. Now we can officially start.

Friends, 3rd-wheeling doesn't have to be a trip on a greyhound bus.
It can be a joyride in a red convertible.

In fact, 3rd-wheeling can be pretty enjoyable if done right. Take it from a girl who has her honorary doctorate in the field of 3rd-wheeling. I even almost accomplished 5th-wheeling (this one takes a little bit more concentration and tact).....

See the girl on the left? That's my best friend.
See the guy on the right? That's my other good friend.
They're dating. I was the matchmaker.

See that person in the middle? That's me.

This, my friends, is the portrait epitomizing the art of 3rd-wheeling.
It is, in fact, an art.

Honestly, it's not like any typical art form such as painting, dancing or acting, but it does share one quality as the previously mentioned: it all stems from the mind.
If you think you're having a bad time, then you will.
If you think it's going to be awkward, it will be.
If you think you don't matter, you won't.

Really, the issue is, attitude.  (which I typically find to be the key to almost everything).

Now, most people that would see that picture would laugh. Or maybe pity me. I would prefer you to laugh. Because it is funny. I'm sitting there cheezing in the background.
Do you know why I'm cheezing?
Because I had fun with these two.
Because I love that my friends are happy together.
Because I am assured that they both will take care of each other.
Because God has allowed them to have a relationship that is glorifying to Him.
Because I love that God allowed me to be a part of it.

I'm cheezing because God has blessed them and, by association, I am blessed as well! Their relationship is a blessing to me.

Hey look! We're all cheezing!

That's the thing, friends.  
Other people's joys should be the LAST thing to make us miserable.
It's one thing if the couple is awkward and inappropriate (oh, don't you worry, I have many words for those couples...), but it's another thing when you just have friends who simply are moving onto a different stage of life and have been called by God in that direction.

Who are we to complain about other people's blessings?
We are overlooking the example that the godly couples are setting for us. If you have those unawkward, godly couples in your life- thank them. Don't scorn them for their joy.

Also, have fun with 3rd-wheeling! If they aren't on a date, then join them ;]. They still need other friends too! Adventures are most definitely more fun in groups.
Also, you get to be awarded with capturing some pretty awesome moments for these folks.

 

Photo props to Heather for this picture

Let's face it, folks-- it's not really about us. Even though we always think it is, it's not.
Be a blessing to someone else for a change and as a result, blessings will come.

Let others be joyful, and jump on the joy ride. God provides true joy, so don't let the awkward 3rd-wheel stereotype stifle the godly relationships around you.



For a short anecdote I wrote about a year and a half ago on being a 3rd wheel, click here.